There's Nothing Like a Staten Island Banana Split
Man #1: So I'm lookin down there, and I see my girlfriend tugging at her crotch.Man #2: Why?Man #1: Well, it turns out she was masturbating with a banana, and she squashed it and it exploded inside of...
View ArticleOnly If They're Envying the Yellower Bananas
Starbucks barista: Sorry, we're all out of bananas. Would you like to try something else?Beach bum tanning girl: But I never drink anything from here that doesn't have bananas.Starbucks barista: Well,...
View ArticleTo Be Fair, He Proposed to a Stripper.
Guy #1: I used to know the price of a bag of weed. Now I know the price of a pound of New Zealand apples.Guy #2: Yeah, I know. I used to know the price of a lap dance from a good stripper. Now I know...
View ArticleIsn't That Just Pulp Fiction?
New Jersey wife: Well, when you get lemons–you make lemonade!New Jersey husband: That's bullshit! Did you ever hear of the lemon law? –W 72nd St
View ArticleA Cautionary Tale About Home-Schooling.
Woman, to young daughter: See? That's a banana, this is the “peel.” P-e-a-l.Man across the aisle: It's spelled p-e-a-l only when it's for a bell.Woman, indignantly: Bells don't have peels! –Penn...
View ArticleYou'll Understand When You Have Wednesday One-Liners
Frazzled mother to young child: Hurry. Hurry. Look, the monster is going to get you if you don't walk faster! –Queens Mall Mother to small child: If you eat your two pieces of chicken, I'll give you a...
View ArticleJason Was a Final-Round Draft Pick for the Other Team
Dude: So I finally saw Lisa's* tits. Good stuff, man.Friend: Yeah? Are they big?Dude: Not at all. But it's better that way. A handful is enough.Friend: So it's like nuts?Dude: What the fuck?Friend: No!...
View ArticleAnd It's Made from Concentrate— Bwahaha!
Yuppie male at counter, taking a sip of his orange juice, sighing: Let me guess. This isn't freshly squeezed.Barista: Nope! –Amy's Bread
View ArticleBut It’s a Slippery Slope to Eugenics
Teen girl #1: Whoa, are those apples really all in perfect rows?Teen girl #2: Whole Foods has really out-yuppied itself this time. –Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
View ArticleWednesday One-Liners Rent Bronx Butt-Sluts
Hipster: And I was like, ‘Okay, well, here’s some advice for you, then: Why don’t you peel a banana and shove it up your ass?’ –Bedford Ave Sassy black girl: Man, I love anal sex! That shit puts me to...
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